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In the town of Stumpfuck-Nowhere, somewhere in the American Midwest, there is a trailer with a rusted 1978 Dodge Dart in the lawn and a 2005 Dodge Grand Caravan in the driveway.
The Grand Caravan is on its last legs — the Dart doesn’t have a leg left to stand on. The earth has began to swallow the car, its remaining tires sinking into the soupy mud of the front yard. Its body is caked with mud, and greenery has started to sprout in the interior. A child wearing a thrice handed-down Spider-Man t-shirt plays in the driver’s seat, pretending to drive the decrepit automobile. The lawn is littered with toys, broken big wheels, worn plastic play sets, etc. Two of the Spider Man adorning child’s siblings scrounge throughout the yard/toy box, looking for something to entertain themselves.
Inside the trailer that adorns a few trash bag windows, a woman around 30 years old sits on a well-worn couch, watching Steve Harvey guffaw at the most absurd answers given on today’s episode of Family Feud. She’s a heavy-set woman, the victim of nomadic sperm-donors hesitant to reap what they’ve sewn. The fruits of her very literal labor are mostly out in the yard, except her youngest. His name is Bronxlyn or something like that. He’s 5 years old, and just took the first of his two daily doses of Focalin.
Braxelton or whatever his name is a very active child, and is really focused on this game of Family Feud. It was recommended by his Kindergarten teacher that he start taking Focalin. He’s a lot quieter now.
Brezlyn (I think) will not be the youngest forever. His mother has found yet another gentleman suitor, and it looks like he’s here to stay. He used to have a problem with Meth. He still does, but he used to, too. He’ll relapse a couple times, but eventually kick the habit. They will have two more children together. Barekli(?) is the only one of six who will leave the trailer park.
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Bramblin (that’s probably it) will do significantly better in school than his siblings. He will be the first in his family to graduate high school. He attributes some of this success to his Focalin prescription — it does help him focus, after all, but he is one of four in his family that take the medication. The other three will leave school before the age of fifteen.
Bloomberg (wait no) will find out about his eldest brother’s death during school one day. He is called to his guidance counselor’s office. His mother is present. She wears the same disinterested look that she has for all of his life. His eldest brother has overdosed on Ketamine. His birthday is tomorrow. His brother picked up the habit from his mother’s aforementioned suitor. The suitor is in rehab.
Bosephus (I think his mom is a big Hank Jr. fan?) will meet a girl after graduating. He has met girls before, but this one smells good and says nice things to him. They will start dating. They usually go to her house.
Brantley (that’s a real name?) tries to hide his situation from this girl. They’re both college-bound, and what do you know, they’re going to the same school! He gets to know her and her parents very well. She suspects that something isn’t great, as she has never met Boorglyn’s (no clue) family, and never even been to his home. She’s also tipped off that he only seems to wear four shirts. Most people have more than four shirts.
Bragley (wait that’s just Bradley with a g) opens up as much as he’s willing to, to her request. He tells her about the trailer, the unknown sperm-donor father, the Dodge Dart, Steve Harvey, the meth, the death of his brother, the meals missed. She starts crying somewhere between her first and second “oh my gosh”. He does too. They make love in the back of a 2005 Dodge Grand Caravan. He has had sex before, there’s not much else to do in a trailer park. He has never made love. She has done neither.
The next day, Bonsley (nope) feels like he has emotionally manipulated her. He probably has. She assures him that she wanted to do it anyway. It doesn’t make him feel much better. He avoids sob stories, and sex still happens. He feels better now.
Boorxton (that’s it, I think) and his girlfriend go to college in the neighboring town of This-Used-to-Be-a-Real-Place-but-Now-We-Just-Have-a-College, somewhere in the Midwest. A baby and an impromptu wedding get in the way of that. They name the baby Joe.
Dezlyn (maybe it starts with a D?) moves back to Stumpfuck-Nowhere with his now-wife and child. She’s scheduling appointments at her mother’s office (her mother’s a veterinarian) and he’s driving a delivery truck for a furniture store. They’re going to night school. Her mother usually watches Joe. Joe is one of Barnsley’s (I don’t even know) mother’s 16 grandchildren, 7 of which live with her. She is not enthusiastic about watching Joe. Neither is Bweezle (definitely not his name).
Bunsen (that’s a burner) and his wife graduate community college. He’s now a certified radiology tech, and she’s in IT. He likes doing X-Rays. It’s fun to look at bones. Joe has started school. His kindergarten teacher will recommend that he start taking Focalin. Bropleton (no) is hesitant, and they decide against it.
The three are on vacation in Myrtle Beach. They found a great deal for a hotel on Trivago. Broxtyn (THAT’S IT) and his wife are sitting on the beach watching Joe play in the sand. This is a heartwarming moment.
He never had a chance.
He is one of six.
The other five are either dead, in jail, or resent him for not talking to them.
They never had a chance.
